I’m so tired of everything. Family. My non existent friends. Boyfriend. School. Life. I’m constantly upset now a days and i don’t know why. Why can’t things just go back to the good old days? Easy chill carefree days.
Pointless.
I feel so pointless when it comes to the situation my boyfriends in. Better yet the things he’s been going through. No one should have to go through what he’s been forced to go through in such a short time period. I feel like nothing with me being here in MD while he’s in VA. Yeah it’s an hour drive, but it gets really hard. He’s always there for me.. He’s always there for me.. That thought constantly goes through my mind. I feel like poop right now. He doesn’t even feel like talking to me or anyone else. He’s literally locked himself from everything. Which brings me back to feeling like nothing. I’m usually able to cheer him up but just this thing crushed him. It did. And i can’t do anything about it. I try and yet he won’t let me. He always says he’s a burden to me, but he isn’t. I love him and he’s far from it.
Emotional.
You tell a guy one thing, hoping that they would do the opposite. Just because your in hopes of them figuring out that whats right, is what you feel like doing rather then what your told.
It’s complicated for my boyfriend to sometimes wrap his mind around that. But we just got into a really big argument. And i told him to leave.. And he did.
Living a good 45 minutes away, we barely see each other as is now that school has started. So when we do, i cherish every moment of it. I hate when i start arguments, but one thing lead to another and things blew up. He says he doesn’t know how to say sorry anymore, but sometimes i don’t need a sorry.. I just need him to prove that he cares cause when we fight i always feel like he doesn’t. It really hurts me that he won’t even argue with me just to stay but rather take what i say and leave. Like that. Makes me feel like he won’t even fight for our relationship.. I know all in all this argument is really unnecessary, but sometimes i just feel like i need that reassurance that he’s going to be there for me no matter what..
Even when i’m yelling, crying, laughing, even ignoring him.. I just need to know that he would stand up to anyone, even myself to say and do what’s right. But in the end he just left because i wasn’t being myself.
I haven’ wrote on this thing in forever, though no one would read this.. It made me feel like a burden or some parts of that burden has been lifted off my chest.
I Hate It When..
i come into school or something ambushed by someone saying “I called/texted you like 3 times yesterday. Why didn’t you pick up or answer any of them?!”.
That’s fine i guess.. Until i have to actually explain to them as to why i couldn’t.
“Yeah.. I’m technically “grounded”. I won’t be having my phone for awhile..”
Then this question comes up, “Oh what happened?!”
Me: “Long story..”
Them: “Awwh Emily what did you do now?!”
Me: “Yeah it’s a sore subject right now.. Sorry ):”.
Not only is it something that i don’t want to talk about. But it’s embarrassing too! I’m turning 17 in literally exactly one month. Who gets grounded now a days?!
Thanks Dad for being so freaking anal.
Amazing night. Until you ruined it with your nonsense remarks.
There’s a reason why i don’t tell you shit. And this is exactly why. You freak out and you wonder why i don’t tell you things. Great. You just proved me right. Don’t harass me about it when all i’m going to do is lie from now on.
Spring Break 2010.
No need for any explanation.. It is official, do i hear a Spring Break? You guys don’t know how long i’ve been waiting for this day to come. Thank god tomorrow i can FINALLY sleep in. I am beyond happy to say that this Spring Break shall be another one to remember.
Not only was last years one to be remembered.. But one i sort of regret? Cause apparently.. what happens during Spring Break does not stay concealed or drama free for long! Lmao. Just recently i finally cleaned that crap up. Thank god. Because honestly i could not have taken that bologna any longer.
It’s safe to say that I’m finally happy again. Sort of? I don’t know. A couple of weeks ago some unexpected events had occurred. I was really confused. But it kind of played out on it’s own course leaving me very pleased. But what is this?! It had to come with an ass load of freaking drama and gossip. DML! Whhhhhhhy me? Can’t a person get a break around this place..?
I know i shouldn’t let what people think about me and things get the best of me.. But there’s only so much a person can take. I say “whatever” about things.. But come on, can people not find better things to talk about? Like damn, this is why i hate girls. All they do is gossip gossip gossip. I’m not saying that i don’t gossip. But at least i can MAN THE FUCK UP about it. Suck my dick people. I didn’t know that the situation that I’m in was that interesting for you to talk about constantly. And yes, lately it’s been CONSTANTLY. If your freaking jealous. It’s not my fault, people move on. So heres the news flash for you bud.
Enough about that little rant of mine, back to my Spring Break plans. Can i just say.. I CAN NOT BE HAPPIER WITH THINGS that this Spring Breaks just going to be the cherry on top? Like.. Shit’s going to be cray cray. (If you don’t know what that means.. UrbanDictionay it. Inside Joke) Like.. I’m planning on not planning. Totally going to just hang out with friends the entire time. I have plans for all my days. So this should be interesting. And this week? Omg.. I’ve been going out everyday after school! Can you say I’m broke now? I hate loving food. It’s so bad for my wallet.. and WAIST! Thank you friends, for taking my gym schedule into consideration. Lmao. Whatever. It’s Spring Break, i am so going to splurge. Time to get buckwild, let your hair loose and totally crazy. Parrrrrrrrrty for sure.
Things change. For the better?
So right now i should be doing my homework considering it’s 10 pm and tomorrow’s Monday. Ew.
But i rather be watching the Oscar’s. Cause i really want Sandra Bullock to win! I love her. But oh my god. TAYLOR Lautner looks so good. He’s all cleaned up and what not. Makes me drool.
Any who, so today i woke up, ate 3 eggrolls and half a fruit tart. Not only was that terrible for the first meal of the day.. But for it to start at 2 pm in the afternoon. Lmao. Whatever. That was the first time i was able to sleep in till whatever time i wanted to in 2 weeks. So shot me. After that i went to the gym with my friend for like.. 3 hours. Felt really good cause yesterday i went to this house warming party and well.. I felt really guilty for not going.
So a recap on how things have been with me; Good for the most part. I’ve been keeping myself really busy. I’ve been really committed to go to the gym at least 5 days a week for an hour at minimum. People tell me i may be over doing it. But this is where they’re wrong. It’s honestly been a way for myself to get over some certain things. Not only have i been going to the gym but i’ve been trying to eat REALLY healthy. To an extent. I do give myself sometime to indulge. Haha there’s no shame in that.
WIth that said, i feel amazing. A new person so to say. Adding onto that statement, i recently got a new haircut. Roughly 5 inches off. That was a really big step. Not going to lie. My hair’s like my baby. Whatever. It’s short for the summer. Haha. Along with the new hair and daily regiment, i’ve gotten my cartilage pierced! YESSSSSSS. That would have to be my 9th piercing. And i want one more to finish things off. Lastly, i’ve been going to the mall alot recently. And what can i say? New purchases! Woot woot. New me, and new look. Things are looking a lot better then how they used to be. I’ve made new friends, lost some old. But i know the ones that mean the most to me. Eh I don’t want to jinx things. So i’ll leave it at that.
So let’s begin this lovely blog by starting it out with the beginning of the week.
Not only has my week been.. rocky at the very least. But it’s defiantly had it’s ups..
So, I haven’t been in the greatest mood for the most part. Considering so much drama has happened. In which i totally take blame for. I put myself into situations that weren’t necessary at all and surprise surprise I’m always the one getting hurt. With that said, i’ve been feeling lonely, depressed, sad, used and just in need of a good vacation. sigh.
As for the ups in my week? Well, the other day i was driving my mom and I to Whole Foods. While stopping at a red light. I looked over to my left. In the car there were two guys.. With pubes for hair and in their mid 20’s. I wasn’t looking over there because they were cute or anything.. But because they were doing hand signals to me. I was giving them the “Huh? Wth. You guys are gross” kind of look. Wanna know what the signals were? He was pounding his fist together.. while pointing at me. If it wasn’t for my mom i would have totally played along with AND then just totally gave them a fake number or something along those lines. What can i say? I would have gotten a kick out of it.
Any who, so i’ve been going to the gym a lot now a days with one of my friends. Not because it’s anything special.. But because i’ve been mad depressed, so i’ve just been exercising and keeping myself active. It’s like my new drug.
With that said, I was meeting up with my friend again. But THAT jergMOFOeiorg left me to go to hockey practice. So then i was left there alone to get my daily dose of Endorphins. As I’m running, biking, jogging for a straight hour and a half I got kind of tired. So i go out to go get some water. When I was out there, I meet some of the neighborhood kids. As i’m making new friends, there’s this one kid in particular that’s ubber hyper. I don’t know if that’s just him or something. But he was strange. And then there’s his brother. Quiet. Very quiet.
So as i was bored of running. I asked them to go get a volleyball. So i pretty much OWNED there asses. But that’s besides that point. Then more people came. With them being in 5th grade.. they weren’t the most organized group of boys. Not only did the suck.. and not stick to the rules but none of them wanted to make EQUAL teams. Well go figure. So I just went to the other side so it was semi even. As the games went on. That “Quiet” little fellow slowly creeped onto my team. I made conversation. Cause you know, I’m just so nice to kids. BACK to the story, as our conversation went on he.. ASKED FOR MY NUMBER! Yeeeeee! LMFAO. I didn’t want to seem rude. So i just chuckled and said “Sure”.
LATER on. I went back to running some more. It was getting late. And i was pooped. So i was just chilling in one of the chairs they had by myself getting ready to leave. WHEN all of a sudden that “Quiet” little fellow came out of no where. OH NOOOOOO. I was screwed. I slouched in my chair a bit. But he spotted me. So he sat down in the chair in front of me. And we started talking about volleyball. Then out of no where he goes “Oh yeah let me get your number so next time i come out here i’ll call you.” LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO. Made my day. I was like “Here give me your phone”. So he was like “Don’t worry. You’re not the only girl in here. Be right back.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. So after he left I then saw my opportunity to leave.
So i got home. I told my parents. And they laughed. They were like “You made that little boys day. Now he gets the right to brag that he got a 11th graders number” I simply just said “I was just doing a good deed.”
In the end. I was hit on by some weird druggies and then some youngin. Let me see someone top that one.
Happy Birthday Padre. Thanks for being the bestest dad there is. No need to add fancy schmancy little corny memories. It’s just as simple as that. Love you (:
